Jitterbug Jam, Can You Dig It? Don't Stop and Don't Quit.

Ageless Amy
A local woman who I play cards with. She beats me regularly. As for the nickname, nobody knows her age. She’s spooky.

Angelic Clare
If Mother Theresa was still alive, younger, American, and liked torturing animals, she’d be Angelic Clare.

Big Daddy Cullison
Also: Andy the Philosopher. He’s ridiculously smart, a father, and the owner of the biggest head I know, including my own, which is ridiculous.

Clay Erinn
One of my best friends. She’s an excellent ramp chef, a diehard Mountaineer football fan, and the greatest friend anybody could ever want.

Farmer Evan
A local farmer who kills groundhogs with his barehands and then feasts upon their flesh. He really, really, really doesn’t like groundhogs.

Haku
A commenter who regularly stops by to tell me how much I suck. His commentary is always welcome.

Lolo
Purveyor of this particular website. It contains beautiful photography, and recipes for vegans…if you’re into that sort of thing. I, for one, am not.

Married Mike
My friend Mike, who just got married, and proceeded to lose his wedding ring in the ocean the next day.

Mitch the Killer
A friend from college. He took care of that thing for you.

ReTahTah Amanda
Amanda introduced me to the greatest word ever: Retahtah. It means retarded. Excuse me while I kiss the sky.

The Apostle
If I revealed anymore of this man’s identity, he’d likely face retribution from the highest levels of the American government…or not. Still, it’s fun to hint at such a thing.

The Queen
The interpreter of things.

Trusted Source Alex
My daughter. I trust her tips.

Trusted Source Jack
His tips aren’t as good, mostly because he drools all the time.

Vegan Stewart
This website’s designer. He has his own website too. He’s more talented at designing websites than anybody I know.