Two Christians Talking About Gay Marriage

The first Christian says, “We need to do something about the threat of gay marriage.”

The second Christian says, “I agree, but what?”

The first Christian says, “I don’t know.”

The second Christian says, “Well if we do the American thing?”

The first Christian says, “What’s that?”

The second Christian says, “We start a movement. We start it from our congregation. Every available second that we have, we head out into the community, finding our homosexual brothers and sisters. We preach to them about the need to ignore their sexuality. We explain that it is a test from God, and one that they have to pass if they want access to heaven. We do everything in our power to convince these homosexuals that they shouldn’t make the decision to be actively homosexual. We accept the fact that we probably can’t reach everybody, but we hope to overwhelm the ones we can reach with Christian reason, and we hope that they’ll see the errors of their ways and shun their homosexuality.”

The second Christian continues, “We hope that this becomes a local movement, with other churches reaching out to those same homosexual citizens and convincing them to stay away from their sexuality. We hope that the movement spreads throughout the county, and the state, and maybe then the nation. Christians everywhere can reach out to their homosexual brothers and sisters and lovingly tell them how they’re not following God’s will. We work ceaselessly to convince these homosexuals to ignore their own urges. We understand that the fight will never end, and we commit our lives to this important movement.”

The first Christian says, “Well yeah, but what if we get the government to do all of our work for us by oppressing homosexuals via legal exclusion from institutions that we ourselves enjoy?”

The second Christian says, “Oh, that’s much easier. Let’s just do that. That way, we don’t have to work hard, or convince anybody of anything.”

Gay Marriage Problems In California

Dear (Some) Christians,

Apparently, you are now winning in California, and your heroic efforts to keep gay people from getting married (despite a legislature and a state Supreme Court that you chose saying otherwise) are on track. Now, with all due respect: go fuck yourselves.

The arrogance it takes to insert yourselves into lives of other citizens and demand that legal contracts both agreed to be nullified is an arrogance that I cannot believe. Your Bible, which you claim is important to you, features a man (Jesus Christ) who never once got as angry about anything as you routinely do about the mere existence of homosexuals, whom you believe to be the worst people on Earth. Despite a dogmatic reality that you are all fallen sinners, you look at gays and see them as a little more fallen and insist that they be treated as such.

Meanwhile, your own marriages collapse in some of the highest numbers amongst demographic groups ever witnessed in the United States, but you don’t fix that institution. Straights everywhere are allowed to marry-and-divorce, marry-and-divorce, marry-and-divorce, but you do not stand aligned against them, and the damage that such frequent marriages must certainly do to the institution.

And then you hide beyond your outrageously stupid justifications for opposing gay marriage, claiming that it isn’t yet time (when will it be?), or that we shouldn’t threaten an already endangered institution (meaning you’ll keep the right for yourself, but refuse it to everybody else), or merely that gays are less than straights and should be treated as such. But you’ll never admit the real reason you feel so steadfastly about homosexuality: you hate gay people.

It is only hate that could lead a reasonable person with a disagreement to demand the dissolution of another person’s marriage. It is only hate that could lead a reasonable person with a disagreement to demand second-class citizenship for another person. It is only hate that could lead a reasonable person with a disagreement to ostracize and demonize and criminalize a person merely for the sex they have with another person.

What in the hell is wrong with you people? What in the hell is wrong with living-and-let-live? What in the hell is wrong with taking care of your own homes before you propose to fix everybody else’s? The audacity of the gay-hating movement is enough to shake any reasonable person to their core, and yet these people are winning. We can hope that they’ll lose, but it’ll probably take more than that.

Economy Problem Figured Out: Gays

Want to know who (Some) Christians believe has caused the economy’s problems? You got it: gays.

Honestly, (Some) Christians are just possessed by homosexuality. It has gotten to the point that these people spend more time thinking about homosexuality than bona-fide homosexuals do. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

(Thanks Josh!)

A WABI? (Special Rules For Christians)

Hey, I podcasted again. Woo hoo! The podcast’s topic: Christians who want special laws written only for them.

Potentially big news coming for the podcast. Also, I need a new hosting site for my podcasts. Any suggestions?

Christian Pastors Challenge IRS

My relationship with religion is…umm…strained…or any religion for that matter. So of course I am excited to see that Christian preachers, incensed that they’re not allowed to talk politics in pulpit because of their tax exemption from the IRS, challenging the law that they describe as unfair.

Here’s the thing: these idiots have every right to endorse candidates from the pulpit and are welcome to do so, as long as they don’t mind paying taxes. The IRS offers tax-free exemptions to charitable organizations that do not engage in political endorsement. See, here’s the law. So these pastors can decide: pay taxes and talk politics, or don’t pay taxes and don’t talk politics.

That isn’t confusing.

Still, these preachers, led by Jody Hice, are being relatively insistent, which leaves me wondering what it is exactly that these people want. Because when it comes to an issue like gay marriage, Jody Hice has no problem being a dick and taking the usual Christian position: that allowing gays to marry their partners is akin to a “special” right. (Ignore, for a moment, the fact that including gays in marriage merely allows them to marry their partners, same as straights get, and that both gays and straights would be allowed to marry whomever they loved; in other words, it isn’t a special right, because everybody would have access to it.)

But apparently in this particular case, his own demand - that pastors being given a tax-free exemption despite breaking the law - doesn’t amount to the granting of a “special right” because…well…Jody Hice says so. And here again we have (Some) Christians demanding legal protections for only themselves (for example, “Christian Pharmacists Protecting From Filling Prescriptions for Contraceptives!“) while decrying the idea that anybody else would receive what they describe as “special” rights. (Even though, as we already discussed, being allowed into a deal that everybody else is already in on isn’t special anything; it’s inclusive.)

You ask me as somebody agnostic to respect religious peoples - I agree. You ask me not to interfere in their day to day lives - I agree. You ask me to ignore their logical inconsistencies - I agree. How much more can you ask of me, when we, in return, are allowed to ask nothing of the religious? We can’t ask them to tolerate that which they do not like. We can’t ask them to leave the praying and preaching in the church. We can’t ask them to leave us the hell alone in our own homes. We can’t ask them to live and let live. We can’t ask them to shut the fuck up.

Well what the hell? Pick one, or pick the other. The Jody Hices of the world want the freedom to do whatever they want, whenever they want, with no restrictions of any kind, and in return, they don’t promise to advocate the same sort of freedom for anybody else; rather, they seek to impose draconian restrictions on everybody else. It’s absolutely ridiculous, and it undermines Christianity’s appeal across the board. Here’s hoping the IRS takes Hice to court, bankrupts his stupid little church, and jails him forever. Then he can be the martyr he claims to represent, if he’s only actually a pale, spiteful shadow.

Respecting Religion (Sarah Palin Hates Witches)

I feel like I need to lead with this: I have religious friends. The only reason that somebody leads with this is that they’re attempting to establish their bonafides before they launch a full bore assault into something. This technique is popularized by conservatives who say things like, “I have gay friends and family…gay sex is the same as bestiality.” So I admit that what I’m about to do probably isn’t appropriate:

Sarah Palin has had herself protected from witchcraft.

This is an actual news story, and if you look around on the intertubes, you’ll find actual footage of Palin doing something ceremonial that will allegedly protect her from witchcraft. I have friends who are atheists, and they are always appalled by any sort of religious expression - “Catholics are eating Jesus Christ? What the hell kind of nonsense is that?” Generally, I like to hold back in those conversations, because yes, that sort of thing is strange to me, but taking communion really seems to mean something to Catholics. Why fight a fight not worth fighting?

But witchcraft? Seriously? This?

Look, I think I’m relatively respectful about religion. I may not believe, but not only do I denounce the absurdity of atheists who act just like fundamentalist Christians, I also suggest that we leave people alone to their beliefs.

But again, witchcraft? Does Palin genuinely believe that the woman down the street is putting on a pointy hat, getting on a broom, and threatening her well-being? She can’t, right? Please? Pretty please? The notion that Jesus walked amongst humanity is strange enough to me, and that when we die, God decided if we’re bound for heaven or hell. I draw the line at the idea that there are actual witches posing an actual threat to…anybody.

If that’s offensive to the people that believe in witches, I refuse to apologize. It’s fucking ridiculous. A reasonable, tolerant man can only handle so much, and its witches. That’s my breaking point.

Why I Hate Religion (Part 124923….)

So California churches are predictably up in arms about the possibility - if you can believe it - that gay citizens wouldn’t be treated like total garbage. As a result, they are viciously campaigning for the passage of Proposition 8. Now, preachers are calling fasting leading up to the vote. Fasting, in case you’re wondering, is a strange religious practice of not eating because God, who made everything including all of the food, intended for you not to eat…especially when gays were potentially going to end up with legal protections.

Just think what could be accomplished if all of these churches were capable of social outreach that didn’t involve hating a minority? People could be fed! Streets could be cleaned! Unfortunately, these churches only have memberships that can be united behind hatred of gays.

Because that’s all this is: gay hatred. To put that another way, if these people really care so desperately about the institution of marriage, why aren’t they campaigning to end divorce? Why aren’t they campaigning to limit citizens to one marriage per lifetime? Because they have no intention of protecting marriage through regressive means that might hurt straight people; they only care about marriage when they can dig their boots into gays. It’s shameful behavior, and these religious people will hopefully lose…

…and what’s this I see? Polling that seems to indicate that Californians aren’t being swayed by their gay-hating fellow citizens? Let’s hope this holds.

Gaymargeddon

I have a friend, who is a devout Christian, who reads this site. Whenever we discuss religion, I am mightily impressed by his faith, his belief, and although his beliefs are intense, he seems somewhat skittish about using the government as a functionary for himself. In other words, he might try to convince me of God’s rightness, but I doubt he would abide police officers sent to my house to make sure that I’m praying.

Unfortunately, his profound faith is being completely sullied by these rabid douchebags, who believe that if gay marriage isn’t repealed this fall in California, armageddon is upon us. (Which they technically ought to endorse, because they’re saved, and thus go to heaven…right?)

Anyway, to listen to these people tell it, if those two well-dressed men down the street are allowed legal protection for their relationship, the next thing the state will be able to do is tell Christians which parts of the Bible they can and cannot read. The paranoia, it runs deep.

Another friend asked me what’s wrong with people. He asked after reading the previous link. I didn’t know what to say. How can these people so viciously hate gays? How can they believe that God, if s/he exists, cares this much? The lunacy of declaring that gay marriage is the first step toward Christian oppression is so stupid that it barely deserves the attention I’m giving to it.

In happier news, there was a fire near Fred Phelps’s church, and although he escaped the conflagration unharmed, we can hope that next time, the arsonist torches the place. Or better still, a lightning strike ignites the church, so we can all say that God, apparently, Hates Fred Phelps.

David Vitter And Larry Craig Get Married

…wait, that’s not what happened. It’s just that accused prostitute visitor David Vitter and bathroom sex pursuing Larry Craig actually have had the audacity to reintroduce The Federal Marriage Amendment, a piece of horseshit legislation designed to prevent the gheys from marryin anywheres! (That link isn’t working. Keep clicking it. Maybe that will help.)

Honestly, the audacity of the Republican Party these days. These jackasses will lecture anybody about anything while continuing to do precisely those things within their own homes…or brothels…or public bathrooms. At what point does shame come into play? At what point does somebody say, “Maybe I shouldn’t lecture other people about their alleged moral failings when I have actual moral failings of my own?”

Surely people will realize the hackitude of the Republican Party, getting involved in these shenanigans despite their own moral bankruptcy. Surely this will drive Christians away. Or…you know…it won’t, because an awful lot of Christians are perfectly comfortable with this sort of out and out lunacy.

Evangelicals Take Bible Interpretations Seriously…

…according to this article documenting James Dobson’s insane claim that Barack Obama is inappropriately talking about religion. Nevermind Dobson’s consistent attempts to make religion and politics the same thing, does anybody really believe that Evangelicals truly take Bible Interpretation seriously? Between them they can’t decide on a single interpretation, which leads to Evangelicals of all sorts believing different things.

Dobson would have us believe that the only real Christians are his followers, which is the sort of ludicrous bullshit that sets this nation back in its ways. That the only issue he can even use is late-term abortion. Lamesville.

Meanwhile, Obama accurate counsels that Dobson’s approach to the fusion of religion and democracy is impossible, that his theocratic views of how Christianity should be forced down everybody’s throat whether they’re a believer or not isn’t democratic. Who can possibly argue with this claim? Obama is right to insinuate that Dobson seeks to undermine truly American values with his religion-as-politics crusade.

The religious have every responsibility to pursue their beliefs, but that cannot include forcing them upon unwilling third parties. Making their beliefs law does precisely that.

(Update: I thought all evangelicals were together on this. Also, Obama’s taking none of Dobson’s bullshit, which is nice.)