I’ve Been Trying To Figure Out A Way To Profit From 9/11

Here’s what I’ve been thinking. Seven years ago, America suffered an attack that shocked us to our core, rewrote the way we thought about the world (and the way the world thought about us), and forced us to acknowledge the fact that we were not beloved. The 9-11 attacks were the most shocking, horrific thing to happen in my lifetime. The obvious question now is, how can I profit from that terrible day?

Here’s my idea - let’s get a small, desperate African nation (like Liberia) to release a piece of silver currency commemorating the attacks. On one side, the text will clearly show that it is worth $20, and there will be pictures of the new Freedom Tower. On the other, the currency will read $9 and $11 (which added together equal $20). There will be pictures of the original Twin Towers. Let’s print “We Will Never Forget” on this thing, and how can we, because we’ll own a piece of currency designed to pay (get it?) tribute to that horrible day. We’re going to have to advertise this thing too, and I think we ought to include some footage of the World Trade Center right before it was hit by the first plane if possible. Then, we’ll sell these things for $20 a pop, plus shipping and handling, but we’ll limit sales to five per person. We’ll create the false impression that these things are even more desired than they already are. Once we’ve sold them, we will have profited from a terrible tragedy! This is a fucking brilliant plan.

What? Somebody’s already thought of this? And they’ve already got the advertisement I just described, streaming on its front page’s top right corner?

Well fuck me running. I thought I was really onto something here. Good for these guys though. The world has been desperate for a Liberian made, silver leaf $20 bill remembering 9-11 that can be yours, yours, yours! for the low price of $20 plus shipping and handling limit five.