Me, My Daughter, And Not Being A Stupid Parent
Posted: May 26th, 2007 | Author: Sam | Filed under: Blog Posts, Family, Frustration, Parenting, Religion, Scary Stuff, Stupid Stuff |
This is me and my daughter. We’d hiked down to a waterfall. We were being “cute.” I take her on these sorts of trips because we both like them and they’re memorable. And because they’re fun. There is a bit of danger involved - we have to walk down a steep hill, and then climb down some rocks. I wouldn’t take her if I thought the danger outweighed the potential for fun, but it never does. That’s how parenting works I think.
Meanwhile, Billy Ford isn’t so sure about the concept. He’s pissed because a flight he took showed scenes of graphic sex and naughty violence…or is it naughty sex and graphic violence? He objected to the scenes, ostensibly because kids might have been hurt by these images. He also is furious because individuals can actually order these “pornographic” shows for viewing on videoscreens. And oh the children! They might be exposed to sex, or violence, or worst, both.
Ignoring the fact that Billy Ford wasn’t actually with any children on the flight in question, why can’t these moral crusaders calm down and, y’know, actually let me do the parenting? She’s my daughter, and I’ll decide what I do or don’t want her to watch. That’s part of being a parent, part of being a person responsible for a child. I think that the Billy Fords of the world aren’t comfortable with those of us who have different calculus for our children than he has for his. And again, I’m not comfortable with parents raising their children Christian, but you don’t see me proposing laws to prevent it, or organizing boycotts to influence the decision makers.
Stumbled to your octopus tattoo, and was intrigued by the title of this post. Seriously, the world need more parents like you. Children who learn to deal with risk (the kind you are describing) and think critically about things they see and hear are better off.
I’m in college now, but when I was your daughter’s age, my parents always answered my questions with age appropriate information. When I heard the word rape on TV, they gave me a simple, but frank explanation. When I saw sex on TV at a friend’s, I asked them some questions and they answered. They let me read books with sex in them as a preteen (not explicit, but I was also reading Kurt Vonnegut by 14), and trusted me to pick my own books. I knew I could ask them about anything I didn’t understand.
I learned to be curious and inquisitive. This served me and my GPA well. I perhaps made up my own mind in ways that frustrated my parents, and we haven’t always gotten on the best, but we come around.
I learned to think critically and be independent. When I heard misinformation from peers, I knew better than to believe, for example, that I couldn’t go swimming on my period. When I was offered pot in high school, I said “No thanks, I’m not really interested. But thanks for offering to include me.” I knew what it was, the risks and positives, and I didn’t want to try it because it just didn’t interest me. It was my choice, and I wasn’t even thinking what my parents would say. When I did try pot in college, I told my mother. I also told her I was pro-legalization, but not about to make cannabis a habit. I haven’t.
I learned my body was mine, and what mattered in the end was what I felt ok with. I didn’t think, “If I lose my virginity, my parents will be mad.” I knew they’d be disappointed if I made a bad choice, but still love and support me. I have never, ever made a sexual choice I regretted. I have never been pregnant, never had an STD, never slept with someone who didn’t respect me. I know my birth control choices and use them. I’ve only ever been a serial monogamist, and now I’m in a happy, loving relationship.
This is quite long, but I wanted you to understand how much your post touched me. I also wanted you to hear what kind of an effect GOOD parenting has on a girl growing up. I wish you and your family all the best.