Straighter Teeth Don’t Guarantee Happiness

I’ve never written so stupid a headline, but fortunately for me, I plagiarized it from this Reuters Life article. Which means that while I’m responsible for the plagiarism, I’m not responsible for the lunacy behind the article, or the study itself.

Let’s start with the study: did anyone, anywhere, actually believe that happiness is derived from straight teeth? Where was this lunatic, and what hospital’s mental wing were they staying in? Good God, people are stupid.

Then there’s the article, reporting the thing which nobody believed in the first place. One of the great things about Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy is when Veronica Corningstone is sent to cover a cat fashion show. In other words, a fashion show for designers who make clothes for tabby cats. The joke is that something like that deserves coverage on the local evening news telecast.

But Reuters Life? Oh my god, Reuters Life was all over the straighter teeth don’t guarantee happiness story. Instead of writing about something interesting that somebody, somewhere, might give a fuck about, we’re instead overwhelmed by absurd nonsense.